Working parents’ guilt, both for mothers and father, can be hard to deal with. No matter how hard you work to secure your family’s future and keep it running in the present, it can feel impossible to rid yourself of those little pangs of guilt that keep trying to insist to you that you could be doing so much better as a parent. If you’ve suffered from working parents’ guilt, you know that it’s insidious — it will creep into your overall life satisfaction if you don’t deal with it properly.
If you find yourself facing working parents’ guilt, the first step is to figure out why exactly you feel guilty. Sit down in a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed with a piece of paper and pen, and really take the time to figure out where this guilt is coming from. Write down everything you feel guilty about — missing your child’s “firsts”, working too-long hours, that comment your mother-in-law made last Christmas… anything at all is fair game.
It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings, which you are perfectly entitled to. After all, there are tradeoffs involved in being a working parent, and pretending there aren’t any disadvantages or missed family moments can cause massive amounts of guilt. For some people, the simple process of coming up with reasons they are feeling guilty and making a list of them can sometimes help ease the guilt. If not, don’t worry. The next step will make things much clearer.
Now, consider the reasons you are a working parent in the first place. Is it to make money so your kids can have piano lessons, to fulfill your own ambitions (and that’s okay!), or to get medical benefits? You probably have a number of reasons for working and not being a stay-at-home parent, so write down whatever you can think of.
The purpose isn’t to justify bad behavior, but to show yourself that you have valid reasons for doing this. Once you assess these reasons for working and compare them against the reasons for feeling guilty, you might realize that it’s worth it. If so, allow yourself to give up that guilt — let it all go, and trust in your own judgment!
If you still feel guilty, there may be some valid underlying reason for your guilt here. The next step is figuring out what actions you can take to improve the situation. For example, if you feel guilty about working long hours, and you really are working too-long hours, see if you can negotiate with your boss for shorter work weeks, or a different shift schedule. Maybe you can spend your lunch hour at home if you live nearby, work from home one day a week, or come up with some other creative solution to reduce your working hours.
You’re allowed to feel some level of guilt for the inevitable tradeoffs you will make as a working parent, but don’t suffer needlessly from working parents’ guilt!
Related posts:
- Working From Home to Parent Too
- When One Parent Works: Negotiating With Your Family
- When Maternity Leave is Over
- Running a Family When Both Parents Work
- Your Options for Flexible Work Weeks
Tags: Balancing Children and Work, Working Mothers Guilt, Working Parent Guilt