Few situations are prone to causing more family and marital stress than when one parent works and the other stays at home. Both parents feel like they are under greater pressure, and both voice this out… which leads to conflict. Is this avoidable? The answer is a resounding “yes!”, luckily for all the single-income families out there. With proper negotiations of duties and some understanding on all sides, this division of labor doesn’t have to lead to conflict.
The “Stay-At-Home” Parent
The stay-at-home parent often feels put-upon, pressured to do all the housework, and in need of a break to get out of the house and recharge. For this parent, it’s a good idea to establish a consistent daily routine with a realistic schedule. A wall calendar with extra-large squares may come in handy here. Keep a number of pens equal to the number of members in your household nearby (including the pets!), each a different color. Whenever an appointment, lesson, club meeting, or new work shift schedule comes up, write it on the calendar so you can be sure of where everyone will be at any particular time. This makes scheduling a breeze as you can glance on the calendar to see what times are free and what times aren’t (which helps you avoid double-booking yourself and stressing out).
It’s not all work, though. You have to be sure to take care of yourself, so that you don’t burn out and cause the family more stress. Schedule time to relax, as that’s just as important as anything else is!
The “Working” Parent
While the stay-at-home parent feels burned-out and overscheduled, the parent working outside the home frequently feels like they’re missing out on their kids’ special moments and being underappreciated. It’s important for the working parent to reconnect with their family frequently. If possible, schedule some time every weekend or on a particular weeknight with each of your children and your partner.
Meanwhile, don’t resent the stay-at-home parent. Try to understand that your spouse or partner who stays at home is also at work, although it might not have a paycheck.
Both Parents
Both of you need to cooperate and understand that it takes two to run a family, and although you have very different jobs, they both contribute to your family’s success. Respect each other’s relaxation time and try to make each other’s jobs easier when possible. For the working parent, this may mean doing some of the chores without being asked, and for the stay-at-home parent, perhaps you could pack lunch for your partner or help them arrange their schedule to have an afternoon alone with one of the children.
It takes some mutual cooperation and understanding, but always remember to step back and take a look at the situation without allowing your subjective biases (like “he never does the chores when he comes home from work, he’s so lazy!” or “she doesn’t know what it’s like to work for a boss”) to interfere. The process of negotiating with each other and your family to successfully run the family without resentment or jealousy is difficult, but entirely possible.
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